Mary-Louise Parker apparently needs another spanking, not because she pranked her costar Bruce Willis on the set of upcoming action movie Red, but because she did such a lousy job of it. I’ll just let Stuff.co.nz tell it:
Mary-Louise persuaded actor John Malkovich to take Bruce out for lunch, while she put the alligator in a cooler and hid in his shower to wait for his reaction.
However, Mary Louise was disappointed to discover the animal was so small it failed to frighten her rugged co-star.
“It was more like a bloated lizard,” Mary-Louise told the New York Daily News.
Okay, here’s where she went wrong. Alligator pranks just aren’t funny. I come from a long line of Vaudeville performers. Well, maybe not a long line, exactly, but I did watch Hee-Haw with my Dad when I was a kid. I’m also an expert on alligators. Well, maybe not an expert, but I did once complement a Texan on his alligator-skin boots, just before he punched me in the face. So trust me on this one: I know what I’m talking about.
Alligator pranks just aren’t funny. Unless they’re in Japanese. Then they’re effin’ hilarious.
Just look at Figure A. WRONG. NOT FUNNY: